( bonafide ) + ( rojas )

there are memories
i find in the streets i walk
from decades ago

memories that remind
me of who i was as
a young man

wild, rambunctious
energetic but so lost in
his ego & wounded security

that i am surprised
i made it this far inmy life
made it here. at this exact point.

memories that i have kissed
& made love to& then disappeared
of sabotaged, i find those in sunsets

in songs, in books, in reflections
all of these memoriesecho my
existence, my contribution

not always good, not always bad
but always contributed
i was such a mindless boy

so concerned with the useless
not preparing for what tomorrow
held, always spontaneous, never planned

in a painting & it whispered hello
now i find another memory
to me, i remember it leaving

before i ever had a proper
chance to kiss it,& still i left it
on a highline above by head

i understand myself much
better now, so much more patience
so much more understanding

but these memories that return
they are asking me such fateful questions
what about us?

bathe yourself in your decisions
stand soaking with the outcome
dry off your consequence

tomorrow will give you new questions
for you to answer
this life is more than the things

we allow inside our head
in silence, the universe is so
different, so colorful

it is a dream when the volume is mute
everything we know is wrong & correct
it is left & right, down & up,
6 & 9, but take all of those concepts
& throw them out the window
you’ll be left with branches, with sticks
with bubbles, with bricks & then
throw those concepts out the window
then you’ll be left with

010101010101010101010101010101

then those numbers,those ancient
whispers, those historical concepts
throw those away &all you’ll have left is

.                                                .

.                                                .

.                                                .

.                                                .

.                                                .

.                                                .

                       you

there are things we know nothing of
yet, we speak on it as if we have trained
properly in its glory, i do not pretend
to be those things anymore, i have seen
what invalidating yourself looks & feels
like for the sake of ego, for the sake of
entitlement, i will speak for myself for
there are times i speak in  broad terms
& some get defensive for their own
personal demons making them react
i am entitled to two things: breathing &
happiness. everything else are things
i work hard for: understanding. respect.
love. art. music. traveling. understanding.
learning. partnership. & everything else
you could fit in one of my suitcases.
i am constantly working on myself but
in terms of how would i feel about my 
self 10 years from now. 10 years ago
before my son was born i worked as
hard as i can to hold on to happiness
then when he was born happiness had a
new definition & a new responsibility. oh
i am a flawed man i can tell you more
than you could ever know from anyone
else but that’s for me to work out, it is up
to you to work on yourself then we can
compare notes, i spend majority of my
time looking at notes, looking at the
progression this life has given me, i am
not a title, or a role, or a position, or a
made up character in a story i wrote
but i am also not the same man i was
when this skin was tighter & younger.
i used to think about the week ahead, 
now i think about the months ahead, the 
years ahead, the decade ahead, i told
someone once, the difference between
myself in the last two decades is my focus
on longevity & conversation about legacy
& its correlation with my relationship
with my son & happiness & how the things
i work hard for: ( understanding. respect.
love. art. music. traveling. understanding.
learning. partnership. & everything else
you could fit in one of my suitcases. ) are
all very necessary. i am a lucky man but i
also need help at times, i get down on myself
my ego is not as large as it used to be, i am
so much more grateful about everything,
i used to limit myself so much as a young man
claim streets that weren’t mine as mine & use
it as a badge of honor, now i use my eyes, my
memory, my story, my older skin as portraits
for people to see & observe, the world is ours
to explore, don’t spend your life wondering what
could have been when what could be is waiting for
you & your laughter. go chase your happiness